In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children follow rules?
The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complex issue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. Some argue that children should be required to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. However, others support this motto” Thou shalt do what thou wilt” as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages as well as serious drawbacks as discussed below.
To begin with, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is virtually free from vices such as corruption and drug abuse. Secondly, if children do not follow strict rules of behavior, it is very likely that they will get out of hand and become not only work- shy but also indolent. This will then create a burden on society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social disorders.
However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn’t always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they’re told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of behaviors. Strict rules simply destroy the individuality of children if they’re imposed on them.
Considering all the above-mentioned facts, the main conclusion to be drawn is that it is clear children should be guided by rules, but having been a father who believes in freedom, I myself think rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.
Analysis
A. Task response:
1. This essay has covered all parts of the given topic most probably because the candidate has spent enough time on comprehending the topic before he/she started to write.
2. The candidate has stated his own opinion definitely regarding the topic.
3. The central paragraphs of the essay have been supported with a range of techniques such as examples
4. This candidate has applied 300 words, which has exceeded the mentioned standard
B. Coherence & cohesion:
1. The candidate has managed to express his/her position clearly and successfully because of applying correct & appropriate linkers like to begin with, however, …
۲٫ This piece of writing is both coherent (ideas have been arranged logically) & cohesive.
C. Grammar:
1. This candidate has used a wide range of structures including passive, conditional, complex sentences, more importantly; they are correct which mean the candidate has shown an excellent command of English structures by making mistakes in neither basic ones nor advanced ones.
2. The candidate has paid special attention to punctuation.
D. Vocabulary:
1. This candidate has used a wide range of appropriate & different words whose collocations are correct, for instance submissive, burden, drawback, …
۲٫ There is no sign of repetitive words or contractions in the essay; also, spelling and capitalization have been taken care of flawlessly.
Examiner’s final comment:
Totally, this essay seems good enough to be worthy of IELTS Band 7.5 because of the above-mentioned plus points.
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