In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both views and give your idea.

Nowadays, many children are involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial assurance for themselves. Some claim this is good for their development, whereas critics consider it totally useless, so it has remained a controversial issue.

It is said that children gain valuable experience in the work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed in jobs that require manual work and are poorly paid. The recent statistics issued by UNICEF revealed the common tasks that 90% of children are assigned to are washing dishes, mopping floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, these kinds of jobs actually do not provide children with necessary and useful skills to apply in their future career. Take ‘street kids’ in my country as an example whose only way of making money is begging.

Nevertheless, defenders of child labor argue that it is an effective method of learning. The point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Take my father as an example; had it not been because of his childhood apprenticeship, he would never be able to become a dexterous carpenter.

I myself am of the opinion that childhood work experience helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how difficult it is to earn money and therefore have compassion for their parents. However, it may have a totally adverse effect on children. When children are capable of making money at an early age, their materialistic attitude may make them spend lavishly.

In conclusion, I think that parents should take appropriate measures to restrict their child from work, for the drawbacks of such a practice outweigh its merits.

 Analysis

A. Task response:

1. This essay has covered all parts of the given topic most probably because the candidate has spent enough time on comprehending the topic before he/she started to write.

2. The candidate has stated his own opinion definitely regarding the topic not only in a separate paragraph (the 3^rd paragraph) but also in conclusion.

3. The central paragraphs of the essay have been supported with a range of techniques, (the 1^st one with an example and statistics, the 2^nd one with example).

4. This candidate has applied 300 words, which has far exceeded the mentioned standard; consequently, it will be considered a weak point.

B. Coherence & cohesion:

1. This piece of writing is both coherent (ideas have been arranged logically) & cohesive due to the fact that the candidate has applied cohesive devices such as however, whereas as well as transitions including nevertheless. Needless to say, well-supported paragraphs are bound to be cohesive.

C. Grammar:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of structures including passive voice, compound/complex sentences; more importantly, they are correct.

2. The candidate has paid special attention to punctuation which is a contributing factor in adding to your score.

D. Vocabulary:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of appropriate & different words whose collocations are correct, for instance assurance, controversial, dexterous, apprenticeship…

۲٫ There is no sign of repetitive words or contractions in the essay; also, spelling and capitalization have been taken care of flawlessly.

Examiner’s final comment:

 Totally, this essay seems good enough to be worthy of IELTS Band 7.5 because of the above-mentioned points.