Recent research shows that the consumption of junk food is a major factor in poor diet and this is detrimental to health. Some people believe that better health education is the answer to this problem, but others disagree. Discuss both ideas and give your opinion.

 A serious concern nowadays is how our eating habits can affect our health. In particular, it has been demonstrated that eating too much junk food can lead to health issues later in life. Some suggest that the best approach to deal with this issue is to improve the level of health education, yet there are those who contend educating people regarding health is not sufficient.

Those who subscribe to the view that focusing on health education is an appropriate measure believe it addresses one underlying cause of the problem. It is clear there is a connection between what people know about nutrition and their eating habits. For example, children who have learned in school about the need to have a varied diet with plenty of vitamins tend to eat more healthily. Besides, based on statistics issued by the US Health Organization people who have had this education eat much less junk food and as a result do not suffer from diabetes and other diseases.

Better health education, however, is not a complete answer as it ignores the wider social factors that cause people to eat unhealthily. For instance, many people eat fast food because they have a lifestyle that means they do not have sufficient time to sit down to a proper meal. Again, other people might eat burgers and pizzas because they are seen to be cool and they want to impress their peers.

I personally claim there seem not to be any simple alternatives to deal with these social factors.  A difficulty is that it is very hard for governments to make a difference to the individual choices people make. It might help; nonetheless, to ban advertisements for unhealthy foods on television and to require companies to provide proper meal facilities for their employees.

Taking all the above-mentioned facts into consideration, my conclusion is that the government certainly ought to introduce measures to improve the level of health education. Moreover, it would also be necessary to deal with other social factors that cause unhealthy eating.

 Analysis

A. Task response:

1. This essay has covered all parts of the given topic most probably because the candidate has spent enough time on comprehending the topic before he/she started to write.

2. The candidate has stated his own opinion definitely regarding the topic.

3. The central paragraphs of the essay have been supported with a range of techniques like example and statistics

4. This candidate has applied 370 words, which has far exceeded the mentioned standard

B. Coherence & cohesion:

1. The candidate has managed to express his/her position clearly and successfully because of applying correct & appropriate linkers and transitions such as however, yet, besides,….

۲٫ This piece of writing is both coherent & cohesive.

C. Grammar:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of structures including compound/complex sentences; more importantly, they are correct which mean the candidate has shown an excellent command of English structures by making mistakes in neither basic ones nor advanced ones.

2. The candidate has paid special attention to punctuation.

D. Vocabulary:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of appropriate & different words whose collocations are correct, for instance address, underlying, nutrition, impress, alternative, …

۲٫ There is no sign of repetitive words or contractions in the essay; also, spelling and capitalization have been taken care of flawlessly.

 Examiner’s final comment:

Totally, this essay seems good enough to be worthy of IELTS Band 7 because of the above-mentioned plus points.