Even though some people think globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, there are those who insist that its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss both ideas and state your opinion.

 In the present age, globalization is playing an increasingly important role in our lives. But in the meantime whether it is a blessing or a curse has sparked much debate. Some people argue the globalization has fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives, while many others contend that it has detrimental effect as well.

Convincing argument can be made that globalization not only plays a pivotal role in the development of technology and economy, but also promotes the exchange of cultures between different countries. To start with, it is the globalization that impels many corporate to become an international group, thereby making contributions to local technology and employment. Specifically, when a multinational group establishes a factory in a developing country, the new equipment, the new management skills and the job vacancies are all in the best interest of local society the result of which, based on statistics issued by a Chicago-based research center, is a 30% reduction in unemployment rate in such areas.

 On the other hand, profit driven globalization severely affected the young people. Today, in metropolises in different countries, it is very common sight that teenagers are wearing        NIKE T-shirt and Adidas footwear, playing Hi-pop music with Apple IPod and having KFC. The culture that took thousand years to form just seems similar in these cities; it looks like you can only distinguish them by their language.

 I myself would concede that globalization do come with both beneficial and adverse effects. People worldwide can get to know each other better through globalization. It is easy to see that more and more Hollywood blockbusters shows the cultures different from American, some recent examples are Kung Fu Panda and Mummy. On the contrary, in some developing countries, sweat workshop is always the issue that has concerned WHO. For instance, based on the recent issued reports 70% of the teenagers who are employed by NIKE’s contractor are forced to work in factories for over 14 hours a day for less than fifty cents per hour.

In summary, despite the fact that the benefits created by growth in global scale far outweigh the drawbacks, I am convinced that the local government should adopt some drastic measures to overcome the long-term potential disadvantages of this phenomenon.

When it comes to analyzing an essay, naturally we need to focus on the criteria based on which the IELTS examiners assess the piece of writing the most important of which are covering the topic thoroughly, conveying the message clearly, applying correct and varied structures in addition to using a broad range of  words.

Analysis

 A. Task response:

 ۱٫ This essay has covered all parts of the given topic most probably because the candidate has spent enough time on comprehending the topic before he/she started to write.

2. The candidate has stated his own opinion definitely regarding the topic not only in a separate paragraph (the 3^rd paragraph) but also in conclusion.

3. The central paragraphs of the essay have been supported with a range of techniques, (the 1^st one with statistics, the 2^nd one with example, the 3^rd one with both).

Actually the candidate has applied this strategy:    Idea + a little explanation + support. These supports are essential since they contribute to transmitting the message to the reader more effectively & they help us to write unified paragraphs in order not to get off-topic.

4. Your essay is supposed to be minimum 250 and maximum 280 words professionally speaking. This candidate has applied 400 words, which has far exceeded the mentioned standard; consequently, it will be considered a weak point.

 B. Coherence & cohesion:

 ۱٫ The candidate has managed to express his/her position clearly and successfully because of using the correct format (introduction, 3 central paragraphs, conclusion)as well as applying correct & appropriate structures besides topic-based vocabulary.

2. This piece of writing is both coherent (ideas have been arranged logically) & cohesive due to the fact that the candidate has applied cohesive devices such as while, despite the fact that, on the contrary as well as transitions including on the other hand. Needless to say, well-supported paragraphs are bound to be cohesive. In other words, because candidate has supported his ideas in different paragraphs, all of them are arranged in a logical way.

C. Grammar:

 ۱٫ This candidate has used a wide range of structures including relative clauses, compound and complex sentences; more importantly, they are correct which mean the candidate has shown an excellent command of English structures by making mistakes in neither basic ones nor advanced ones.

2. The candidate has paid special attention to punctuation which is a contributing factor in adding to the score.

 D. Vocabulary:

 ۱٫ This candidate has used a wide range of appropriate & different words whose collocations are correct, for instance curse, spark, detrimental, impel,…

۲٫ There is no sign of repetitive words or contractions in the essay; also, spelling and capitalization have been taken care of flawlessly.

 Examiner’s final comment:

 Totally, this essay seems good enough to be worthy of IELTS Band 8 because of the above-mentioned plus points.