نمونه مقاله آیلتس شماره ۲۴

With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

 The question of whether space exploration budget could be more usefully applied to tackle other crises around the world rather than space research is not only a controversial issue but also a matter of considerable public concern. There are, therefore, people on both sides of the argument who have feelings either for or against it.

On the one hand, there are people who subscribe to the belief that space exploration budget should be spent to solve food crisis and AIDS in Africa and South Asia. Drought, for example, has left Africa with famine. Based on the latest statistics issued by Harvard Research Center every 30 seconds an African child dies of either malnutrition or AIDS both of which have their roots in poverty. Medicines, for instance, are extremely expensive; as a result of which poor governments cannot afford to pay for the treatment of those who are suffering from preventable diseases. Considering the above mentioned facts lots of people contend that investing in space research is definitely a waste of money.

However, there are those who oppose the former argument. They claim space research has brought enormous benefits to mankind. Take NASA as an example, if it weren’t for launching satellites to predict both hurricanes and earthquakes, millions of people would have died. Besides, had it not been for the space exploration, we would not have been able to invent lots of the gadgets we are using now including Teflon that is a type of plastic which is often used to coat pans so that food does not stick to it.

From what has been discussed above we may draw the conclusion that both points of view have their own merits. However, being a humanitarian, I myself am of the opinion that as long as there are people whose biggest wish is to be able to buy a loaf of bread not to die, we’d better stop all space projects that may or may not help us live better in future.

  Analysis

A. Task response:

1. This essay has covered all parts of the given topic most probably because the candidate has spent enough time on comprehending the topic before he/she started to write.

2. The candidate has stated his own opinion definitely regarding the topic.

3. The central paragraphs of the essay have been supported with a range of techniques like statistics and examples

4. This candidate has applied 290 words, which seems to be professional.

B. Coherence & cohesion:

1. The candidate has managed to express his/her position clearly and successfully because of applying correct & appropriate linkers like not only, but also, however, besides, …

۲٫ This piece of writing is both coherent (ideas have been arranged logically) & cohesive.

C. Grammar:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of structures including compound/complex sentences, …; more importantly, they are correct which mean the candidate has shown an excellent command of English structures by making mistakes in neither basic ones nor advanced ones.

2. The candidate has paid special attention to punctuation.

D. Vocabulary:

1. This candidate has used a wide range of appropriate & different words whose collocations are correct, for instance gadget, humanitarian, malnutrition, …

۲٫ There is no sign of repetitive words or contractions in the essay; also, spelling and capitalization have been taken care of flawlessly.

 Examiner’s final comment:

Totally, this essay seems good enough to be worthy of IELTS Band 7.5 because of the above-mentioned plus points.